Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you.

Beware, Its a long one..

Well, hello there.
I haven't blogged in a while and I feel now is as good a time as ever. I seem to have a bit on my mind, and I'm in kind of a funny mood.

Its one of those moods where you know what is bothering you.. but you can't pinpoint it. Or maybe you can pinpoint it but you still just don't know why its bothering you. I've got butterflies in my stomach, and I just don't know why. Its stupid really, is what it is.

First off, lets talk about this. I feel like I'm moving slowly. I feel like I'm not where I should be. Most of my friends at the moment:

- Have a job.
- Are studying in University.
- Know what they want to do with their life.
- Have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Basically, they're all moving on from the stage that I'm in now. They're growing up. I feel like I'm stuck in a vicious cycle that isn't getting to be any different.

There's a lot of things that have gotten me thinking about this lately. Like how the other day my friend mentioned getting married next year. Getting married at 19. She said it would be easy for someone in a relationship to think like that, but not for someone like me who isn't in one. I guess she's right. I can't imagine getting married next year. To be honest I'm not sure I would be able to imagine getting married next year even if I was in a relationship. That thought is kind of crazy to me to be honest. 19 is too young to be tied down to anything.

I don't really know where I'm going with any of this. So bare with me. It might not even make sense at all.

My friends keep coming back from University, they all seem so put together. They've lived on their own for a few months now, and they have an independence that I'm most definitely jealous of.

Wow. Break in writing here.

"go for it !! your young only once !! go and live to your dreams ??
you only live once"

A boy just sent me that. Ah, he so knows how I'm feeling right now. I mean, sure he's most definitely high (because he's basically high 24/7), and he's already told me he's drunk. But the man speaks the truth.

"there's so much more than just here"

Way to rub it in that I'm STILL here. haha.

Back to what I was talking about before.
My friends just seem that much more grown up than they were in August/September.

I also feel like I'm being pressured for things. Like time is running out. I need to please people, but I'm not sure I can.

Friend wants to get friend tattoos. I'm a bit sketchy of that. I mean... they're like relationship tattoos, as a friend said tonight. She wants to get them as our FIRST tattoos. I'm not ready for that one. I want my first tattoo to mean something to me. The bird for me represents freedom, and growing up kind of. It also represents my love of travel, and the fact that it will be on my foot makes it even more about traveling. If that even makes sense. Also, she wants them before the new year. That's too much for me. I haven't even though all that much about it. I mean, I have. Maybe its not too much, But it all just seems so soon.

My one friend leaves for work on a six month cruise next month. I'm really, really happy for her. Its basically her dream. She deserves it, she needs it. I'll miss her like crazy though. I really hate that we don't talk that much at the moment. Cursed communication devices. By the time she's back I'll be done high school forever. FOREVER. Yikes. Anyway, her going away party is on a Sunday night. Really. REALLY!? A Sunday, knowing full well that she's got friends going that have school the next day, and parents that may or may not budge on letting her friends go. Ugh sorry, venting.

New Years, I've got so many different possible plans. In all honesty, I would be perfectly content doing crazy things on Dailybooth and drinking wine all night with some close friends. Every time I get out to drink lately I end up being in a shit mood because of some stupid reason. Honestly, the last time I think I've had a good time being drunk was probably in Quebec. No one fought in Quebec, and no one got angry or cried. Everyone just let loose.

I'm not really sure why I'm still going.. maybe I should save the rest of this for another night? Nah. just a bit longer.


So basically the real reason I decided to blog tonight was because basically I wanted to vent and say this:

Get off of your damn high horse. I don't know why you go through 'I want to be your friend' phases. Seriously, pick one. I now realize why she got annoyed with you. You're a thorn in my side. Bit harsh, but honestly, I'm in a harsh mood. I like you when you're not complaining. Quit asking me questions and shooting me down cause I don't give you the right answer. Quit assuming. hdsjfkajdsa. That's not even all of it that I have to say to you. I just can't believe you've done it again. Its ridiculous. I guess its all for the best though, I won't get yelled at for talking to you.

Moving on.

I got my Tragus pierced with a friend yesterday, as in the 19th of December. The same girl did it that did my helix. She's officially my piercer. She remembered us from last time, and noticed my hair is a different colour. (Its bright red by the way, I know, I haven't blogged about anything relevant to my life in a while). Anyway, Its a bit tender, but whatever. I like it. I've decided to not tell my parents and see how long it takes them to notice. Not that they care, its just a little fun experiment. I like it though, I've wanted it for a while. My guess is the first person who will notice it, will be my Grandmother. She notices those kinds of things.

I started watching Misfits today. Such a good show. Seriously, Why do all the Brits get the good TV? I'd like to start watching Dr. Who eventually too. Everyone seems to rave about it. Survivor finished today. I need to watch the last two episodes.

Christmas is on Friday. It came so soon. I finished all of my wrapping today.

The Olympic torch comes through my town tomorrow. Or today rather.
I need to get to bed if I want to go see it.

Alright, Well if you read all of this props to you. Sorry it was so long.
I can guarentee I'll regret most of it. I always regret what I write on here. Well not always, just most times. I need to get back into the swing of blogging. I also need to write a list of things I want to do in 2010. We'll see how many I get done.

Time to watch the last bit of Misfits, and then wait for Skins in January. I cannot wait.

Goodnight.
x

Number of days my tragus has gone unnoticed : 2
Number of days till Christmas : 4

p.s I've got a formspring.
www.formspring.me/electramayhem